On Top of the World

Well behaved women rarely make history.

A Heavy Heart to Carry: Bucky Barnes

ca·thar·sisnoun the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.

So I made a fanmix about Bucky.

I’m a longtime Avengers fan but where I liked Captain America, I never loved him. I liked him best in relation to others. I liked his friendships and his romances and his roles. But Steve Rogers by himself — well, honestly, he bores me (that doesn’t mean he’s boring — just to me). But James Barnes? I love James Barnes. If I were in charge Steve’d’ve stayed dead and Bucky’d’ve stayed Cap. But I get that Steve has to be Captain America (or more precisely Captain America has to be Steve Rogers) because of the movie. OK. Steve can be Cap. But why, why, WHY does that mean Bucky has to die? (Oh, I remember. MARVEL HATES ME.) I mean I am really, really, really tired of the solution to all “problems” (as in, it’s only a problem because they decide it is) being someone dies. Death is not synonymous with Change, Drama, or Plot. It sort of IS becoming synonymous with Lazy. But I digress.

The main theme of this mix is fatalism. Living it and fighting it. Losing power and taking power. Embracing destiny with eyes wide open. Wishing for something different. There is a good deal of violent imagery. And a lot of direct references to death. It begins and ends with some measure of hope but there is a darkness throughout. It’s not a cheerful mix. But why would it be? Finally, Natasha Romanova is all over this mix, including the cover art, because …she belongs there!

LISTEN HERE; Liner notes follow

Written in the Stars; Tinie Tempah ft. Eric Turner
I used to be the kid that no one cared about
That’s why you have to keep screaming til they hear you out

Bucky
Through My Own Eyes; Aaron Carter & Kayla
Lookin’ at life through my own eyes
Searchin’ for a hero to idolize
Feeling the pain as innocence dies
Looking at life through my own eyes

Russia
Shoot Your Gun; 22-20s
Don’t you see your father?
Don’t you feel the love?
Don’t you see your brother?
Don’t you feel the love?
Well could you be a mother
Could you ever find the love?
That you would not place yourself above

Winter Soldier
Better Off Dead; The Sounds
I’ve been fooling myself
I can’t explain why I’m still here


Avalanche; Thea Gilmore
So you’re shouting
But you’re shouting softly
So no one can hear you
And get the wrong idea

The Death of Captain America
World Spins Madly On; The Weepies
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I’m standing still

Steve
Running Up That Hill; Placebo
And if I only could
I’d make a deal with God
And I’d get him to swap our places

Captain America
Heavy In Your Arms; Florence and the Machine
I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown

I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground


21 Guns; Green Day
One, 21 Guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 Guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

Natasha
Set Fire to the Third Bar; Snow Patrol ft. Martha Wainwright
And miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

Heavy Heart
Let It Be; The Beatles
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be


Weight of the World; Chantal Kreviazuk
And I don’t know who I was trying to be
All those lies
I used to carry the weight of the world
And now all I wanna do is spread my wings and fly

What, you want to grow old and retire?
Naked As We Came; Iron and Wine
One of us will die inside these arms

Eyes wide open
Naked as we came
One will spread our
Ashes round the yard

James Buchanan Barnes
I’m Still Here; Johnny Rzeznik
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don’t feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can they say I never change
They’re the ones that stay the same
I’m the one now
‘Cause I’m still here.


1. Intro
2. This is from the best cartoon ever, Liberty’s Kids, and represents young adorable sidekick Bucky.
3. Love/Hate song for James and Soviet Russia.
4. Winter Soldier. Nod to fan outrage (that I obvs don’t share) intended.
5. This is my Civil War era song for practically everyone but it is even more applicable as our James is literally programmed, and trying to break free.
6. And then Steve dies.
7. And James takes up the shield even though he doesn’t feel worthy.
8. But he is. This is a song from the pov of America/the title of Captain America/the (mighty) shield. Yes, James breaks up with Russia to have an angsty relationship with America.
9. Then America tries to break up with him.
10. James and Natasha. She’s also around in 3, 4, 6, 9, 13 and 14.
11. James accepts he’s likely to die. Message to fan outrage (that I obvs share) intended.
12. Dear Marvel, I can think of 20 things James could do instead of die to free up Steve to be Cap. No love, Me.
13. James and Nat, how it should end. Nod to how it did end (in her arms) intended.
14. Yeah, this song is just about him, okay? ❤

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